To Be Irrefutable

“No,” the rheumatologist says, “we don’t know what causes joint pain. Your pain is not normal, it’s not just aging. But you don’t have rheumatoid arthritis, and there’s nothing that you can do to prevent yourself from getting rheumatoid arthritis. If biking makes the pain feel better, keep biking. Buy yourself some presents to keep going. Buy yourself a Peloton. Go home and tell your husband that I said you could buy yourself a present.”

…

She wanted to write an essay about chronic illness and invisible disability. She thought about this essay as she drove to the dispensary to get a different kind of CBD because the CBD that had worked yesterday and the day before wasn’t working anymore. She thought about the essay as she read the email from her ex-husband explaining all the reasons why he did not think he needed to pay more child support although he had just inherited $1 million and had no mortgage. She thought about the essay while she made another dinner, after the first dinner made her oldest, sickest child feel more ill. She thought about the essay and how she should write the essay, how she wanted to write the essay, and then she did all the other things that had to be done.